The Magic of Changing One Word
How One Simple Word Can Transform Your Motivation and Mindset
Recently, during a tough session on the Stair Master, I noticed something fascinating about my inner dialogue. As the minutes ticked by and my legs protested, I shifted from saying to myself:
“I can do this.”
to:
“Come on, Katina… you can do this.”
That one small change carried a surprising boost of energy, focus, and encouragement. Later that day, I came across a post about how survivors and explorers often use the word “you” instead of “I” when navigating extreme conditions. So I dove into the research.
What I discovered aligns beautifully with what I teach and witness every day in hypnotherapy, mindfulness, and empowerment work.
This tiny linguistic shift is backed by science and it can have a powerful impact on your resilience, emotional balance, and motivation.
Why Talking to Yourself as “You” Works
Psychological Distance: A Gentle Space That Helps You Cope
Researchers call this technique distanced self-talk, and it’s far more than a quirky habit. When you switch from I to you, you create a small but meaningful mental gap.
Instead of being fused with the emotion, such as “I’m overwhelmed”, you gently step back and say:
“You’ve handled this before.”
“You can breathe through this.”
“You’re doing really well.”
This shift allows you to think more clearly, regulate emotions, and approach situations with the same compassion and wisdom you’d offer to a friend.
It’s a beautiful act of inner support.
The Science: How “You” Changes the Brain
Research by Psychologist Ethan Kross
Psychologist Ethan Kross, a leading researcher at the University of Michigan, has spent years studying how the words we use in our inner dialogue affect emotion and behaviour.
In a 2020 paper with Izzy Gainsburg titled “Distanced self-talk changes how people conceptualize the self,” they found that referring to yourself with your own name or using “you”:
- increases clarity
- reduces emotional overwhelm
- boosts self-control
- helps you think more wisely about challenges
Kross explains that this type of self-talk creates psychological distance, allowing you to coach yourself the way you would support someone you care about. It’s similar to how we give better advice to a friend than ourselves, by shifting perspective, we become our own guide.
Your brain responds as though a helpful, compassionate presence is guiding you, even though it’s really your own voice.
Why This Boosts Motivation
Distanced self-talk activates regions of the brain involved in:
- social support
- reflection
- emotion regulation
This is why saying “Come on, Katina…” during my workout felt more uplifting and motivating than “I can do this.”
My brain responded as though someone supportive was beside me.
What Athletes, Explorers, and Astronauts Already Know
Second-Person Self-Talk Under Pressure
Studies in extreme training environments, including astronauts, divers, endurance athletes, and polar workers, show that many naturally use second-person self-talk to maintain focus and calm.
Phrases like:
“You’re steady.”
“You’ll get through this.”
“Breathe. You’ve got it.”
help regulate their minds when no one else is around to offer support.
The principle is simple:
When external encouragement isn’t available, your inner coach steps in.
How This Technique Deepens Mindfulness and Hypnotherapy Work
Creating Inner Support Instead of Inner Pressure
In my work as a Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Practitioner, and Empowerment Coach, I often help clients explore the inner stories they tell themselves.
Shifting from “I” to “you” can:
- soften the inner critic
- reduce anxiety
- deepen self-compassion
- encourage perseverance
- help clients feel more supported and grounded
It’s a beautifully gentle and empowering practice, one that aligns with how we naturally comfort others and how our minds seek safety and clarity.
Try This: A Simple Experiment You Can Do Today
Next time you face a moment of stress, fatigue, or self-doubt, try switching your self-talk from first person to second person.
Instead of:
“I can’t cope with this.”
Say:
“You’ve handled challenges before.”
“You’re stronger than you think.”
“You can get through this.”
Give it a few moments, it may feel unusual at first, but you’ll likely feel a shift in clarity, calm, or motivation.
A Small Word with a Big Impact
Whether in mindfulness, hypnotherapy, or daily life, the words we choose create the pathways our minds follow.
Sometimes the most powerful transformation begins with just one word.
So the next time you’re facing something difficult, let that wise, compassionate inner voice step forward and support you, as though you are someone worth encouraging.
Because you are.
You’ve got this!
References:
- Gainsburg, I. & Kross, E. (2020). Distanced self-talk changes how people conceptualize the self. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 88, 103969. Link to article: LSA Technology Services+1
- Gainsburg, I., Kross, E. (2022). Distanced self-talk increases rational self-interest. Scientific Reports. (Title: “Distanced self-talk increases rational self-interest (2021)”). Link to article: Nature
- Schertz, K. E., Orvell, A., Chandhok, S., Vickers, B. D., Moser, J. S., Ayduk, O., & Kross, E. (2025). The frequency, form, and function of self-talk in everyday life. Scientific Reports, 15:38883. Link to article: Nature
- Kross, E. (2023 interview/article). The Power of Positive Self-Talk. (Talk-to-yourself-like-a-friend Q&A) – Templeton. Link to online blog: John Templeton Foundation
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